Jersey Fouls is our ongoing exploration of the rules and etiquette for proper hockey jersey creation and exhibition. If you spot what you think may be a foul in your arena, e-mail a photo to us at firstname.lastname@example.org for inclusion in future installments.
James C. and his buddy are die hard Chicago Blackhawks fans, and he passed along the image above that features them in their playoff regalia: player jerseys, hockey pants, helmets ... we're assuming a jock as well, but are thankful for the lack of clarification to that end. As you can see, it's all catnip for the Jumbotron.
So this would be the hockey equivalent of going to see "The Phantom Menace" dressed as a Stormtrooper, right? And just to further that comparison, we imagine James and his buddy experienced enormous hype followed by hours of boredom during Game 3 last night. But no Jar-Jar; they've got that going for them, which is nice.
As we've often said on Jersey Fouls, these fan fashions are sometimes presented without our judgment because we're completely on the fence. On the one hand, everything about these outfits is on the level: real players, real numbers, nothing that would meet the standards of a typical Foul.
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And yet ... it's two grown men dressing up like hockey players at a playoff game, you know?
We'll leave it up to you to PASS or FAIL James and Friend. Just to make sure your Foul-o-meters are zeroed out, we present this St. Louis Blues epic fail from Puck Buddy Michael K.:
"Saw this at Game 4 of the Blues vs. Canucks series and threw up in my mouth. Not only is she wearing the ugliest jersey the Blues have ever donned, but Hullzky? 69? Seriously? Absolutely disgraceful and disgusting."
You should see here Al MacTikkanen sweater ...
Coming Up: A Ray Bourque tribute gone wrong, Mrs. Maltby, a Sidney Crosby(notes) fail, a Blue Jackets fan of incredible hubris and the curious case of the Alexander Ovechkin(notes) New York Rangers jersey.
And here ... we ... go.
Cree from St. Louis offers these Vancouver Canucks Fouls, which when combined becomes the No. 69 Haywood Jablome. From Cree:
"People should have to take an oath when they purchase the jersey of their favorite team. An oath that simply says that they will wear that sweater with pride to show their spirit for their beloved team, city, or even their country. A pledge that promises that they will be ever mindful to never do anything to disgrace the namesake and tradition of the franchise they love....
"I often wonder, 'What exactly is a Canuck?' I think I found my answer during Game 3 of the Western Quarters between the Canucks and Blues at Scottrade Center in St. Louis on Sunday, April 19, 2009.
"I am a big fan of your work and I felt obligated to take this photo. As I was taking it, it killed me that these people thought I was photographing them because I actually liked their complete lack of tact, creativity and humor."
No, in fact we encourage readers to blow as much smoke up the Foulers' asses as possible, because it really hardens the blow when their friends or relatives spot them here.
Amanda L. passed along with Frankenjersey mash-up of the Boston Bruins and Colorado Avalanche, which one assumes is a Raymond Bourque tribute. (We'll assume, for argument's sake, that it isn't the world's biggest Brian Rolston(notes) fan.)
What's the verdict here? We'd almost be open to passing it if the puckhead had the good sense to place a Stanley Cup championship patch on the Colorado side, just to make the Boston side frown.
Speaking of Boston ...
NO! NO NO NO NO NO! Bad Columbus Blue Jackets fan! (Hits puppy with newspaper.)
Look, we know it sucks that before this season your jersey choices were Rick Nash(notes), Michael Peca(notes), Rick Nash and Rick Nash. But that's no excuse to start borrowing other franchise's legends like Bobby Orr. You don't see some Southie running around in a ... er ... uh ... Marc Denis(notes) jersey, do you?
Thanks to Sam O. for the photo. And speaking of Columbus ...
From Puck Buddy Tony G:
"Taken from Game 3, first Blue Jackets home playoff game. Feds got 3 cups with the slum lords, how much can he suck?"
Slum lords? Yowzer.
Tony, our expert opinion here is that this is a Blue Jackets protest jersey, mocking Sergei Fedorov(notes) for failing to still be Sergei Fedorov at 37 years old when he was a BeeJay. We hope the front of this sweater has some indication that it is, in fact, a protest jersey; otherwise, this guy wore the Winged Wheel to Columbus's first playoff home game just to spite a Hall of Famer.
From Puck Buddy Dan P.:
"Here's a jersey foul for you from the Wings/Jackets game 2. I love the flowing red fe-mullet as well."
And who wouldn't? Have to say that this might be the strangest "Player's Wife" Foul we've seen. No offense to Kirk Maltby(notes) of the Detroit Red Wings, but dude isn't exactly Zac Efron. Or Zetterberg.
We do appreciate, however, Wings fans bringing a nice paperback to the arena. Nothing passes the time between power plays better.
Not a Jersey Foul, but certainly a T-Shirt Foul. In the grand tradition of Cowboys/Eagles shirts at Redskins games, several ever-classy Washington Capitals fans rocked the red with these duds that mock Pittsburgh Penguins stars Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin(notes).
Now, honestly: Why does one side need full name clarification while the other side doesn't? Was there concern some confused soul would be misled into believing that the late Sidney Sheldon or the curiously not-late David Crosby sucks? You're in D.C.; the back of the shirt could be Michelle Malkin for all we know!
Puck Buddies Brian T., Addison H. and Gary D. all sent in images of the homemade New York Rangers Alexander Ovechkin jersey. From Brian T.:
I saw this at Rangers/Caps Game 4 this past Wednesday...a guy in my section had a Rangers white away jersey, with "Ovechkin 8" drawn on the back in sharpie (poorly, I might add.) What I didn't get a picture of was the giant red X he drew though the Rangers logo on the front. Attached is a picture, complete with ass-scrach.
Indeed. This would be a Washington Capitals protest jersey, as Addison nabbed a shot of the same fan in a bar before Game 7.
But the question remains: Why? What sort of wacky voodoo is there in putting Ovechkin's name on the back of a Rangers sweater, even in protest?
Although we must admit that the scrawled-on lettering adds something to the aesthetics. The ass scratch, not so much.