A mom with birthday party fatigue has put her foot down.
"Under no circumstances will I be throwing my daughter a birthday party every single year," Marissa Light, a 28 year-old mom in Pennsylvania, said in a TikTok video. "Here's the deal: She is getting a first birthday party, she is getting a Sweet Sixteen and she is getting a graduation party" following her March birthday. Other than that, she is not getting any more birthday parties."
Light, who has an 11-month-old daughter named Daisy, explained her reasoning further.
"Now, I have been to many children's birthday parties whether they were 3 ... 7 ... 12 ... and I'm sorry but as someone who did not have a kid at the time, they were not enjoyable. And I don't even think the kid noticed that I was there. I am not going to force that on my friends and family."
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She added, "Now look, if you are someone who genuinely enjoys throwing your child a birthday party, pop off, Queen. Do what you want to do. I'm not telling anyone else how to live their lives. I just personally don't find it necessary and I'm not going to be doing it."
Light plans to celebrate most of her daughter's birthdays with extended family.
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"We will have dinner and cake with them every single year to celebrate my daughter's birthday," she said in the video. "And every year on her birthday, we are going to do a 'Daisy Day' or an 'All About You' day."
On "Daisy Days," the girl will choose her activities from morning to night (not including a shopping trip and other gifts) and be lavished with love and attention.
"When siblings come, we're going to allow her to choose whether she wants someone to watch them or whether she wants them to come and participate in whatever activity we're doing," added Light.
Light knows that Daisy might want a birthday party one day. If so, she can choose between a 'Daisy Day" and a classic birthday party.
"And again, if you like to throw yearly parties, throw yearly parties," she said in the video. "I'm just saying as someone who has been to a lot of them and kind of felt obligated to be at them, I'm just not going to be doing it — it's a lot of stress on my part to organize and plan and put on the party and I'm not going to be doing that to my friends who don't even have children, my family who, their children will be older. I just don't want a bunch of people sitting around at my house all day."
Light tells TODAY.com that commenters called her a "terrible mom" adding, "People said my daughter is never going to speak to me again and I'm going to end up in a nursing home."
Comments under Light's video include:
- "Your daughter is literally going to hate you."
- “Your poor kid. Why rob them of childhood birthday parties? It’s not about YOU, it’s about THEM. Yuck.”
- "Everyone deserves a birthday party every year. Even a small one with a few of their besties."
- "The kid who doesn't have parties ... usually becomes the same kid that other parents don't think to invite at all."
- "I didn't have very many birthday parties and now I have a complex."
Not all children want birthday parties, said other commenters.
- "An introverted kid will love this. Just make sure that you're celebrating that kid the way they'd like. Not the way you want to celebrate them."
- "As a formerly anxious kid, the pressure of 'performing' at a birthday was stressful."
- "The first birthday party is for the parents."
- "I never had a birthday party and I turned out fine."
Light tells TODAY.com that birthday dinners are a family tradition.
"I don't consider that a party ... (unlike) on social media when 'momfluencers' throw birthday parties with huge balloon arches and tons of food and bounce houses," she says.
Daisy turns 1 on March 6 and the family will celebrate with a dinner. Light will also host a backyard birthday party for Daisy in April (when the weather is warmer) for family and a few friends.
"A lot of my friends don't have children," Light explains, adding, "I've been invited, without a child, to a lot of children's birthdays ... and I bring a gift but you're sitting there watching a child play. I don't want to make my friends sit around and stare at my daughter for a few hours. People take issue with that but it's not about me. It's about my daughter."
Light points out that birthday parties are too expensive for many families and moms (almost always moms), often plan, execute and host while skipping the fun.
"People like to say, 'It's just one day' but .. it's way more than one day," she says. "It can take weeks or months of planning on the part of moms."
Light says she was called a "selfish" mom.
"But is a little bit about me," she says, adding, "I want to make those memories with my daughter. If she wants a princess makeover, I'd like to be in the chair next to her getting pounds of glitter in my hair."
This story first appeared on TODAY.com. More from TODAY:
