Project Runway: Carpetbagging

Jeff's gone, but wait! Isn't that LiLo?

Let's get it out of the way, "Project Runway" fans: You miss Jeff. I know you do -- who wouldn't? I happen to know him and he is nothing short of fabulous in every way. In fact, he is so fantastic, he's off doing something even more fantastic than this. Together we must soldier on.

This season, PR bids adieu to Bravo, home of such gems as Real Housewives of Some Place You'd Rather Die than Go if that's what People are Like There, and bonjour to Lifetime, home of television actually watched by actual housewives while they iron the actual clothes of their actual children.

There are too many designers, and taking a page from Jeff's first recaplet of last season, all I can do is break them down into the following categories:

Possibly talented: Shrin (yeah, it's Farsi?). Ra'mon. Althea. Irina. Nicolas. Louise. Logan. Malvin.

Maaaaaybe talented but probably not up to it: Mitchell. Johnny (ridiculous). Carol Hannah. Epperson. Gordana. Christopher (never heard of smocking).

Sadly deluded: Ari (she doesn't sketch). Qristyl (with a "Q").

Obvious drama queens: Too many to list.

The first challenge is very exciting. Because they are in Los Angeles, Tim Gunn delightedly tells them that they will be designing a look for the red carpet. They are each given measurements for their assigned models, commanded to sketch, and shuttled off to shop with their budget of $200.

This one dude, Johnny, a former meth addict who has tried out for this show three times, actually cries from the pressure. On Tim Gunn. It hurt me to watch it. Their results are mixed to say the least. Ultimately, Ari goes home first.

BUT FORGET ALL THAT, BECAUSE LINDSAY LOHAN IS A GUEST JUDGE.

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