American mom praises ‘European parenting' … and people have thoughts

Do parents outside the U.S. do it better? An American mom living abroad says European countries have the right idea.

"The art of European parenting was such an exciting concept to me, especially as an American that grew up with a certain (scary) idea of what motherhood was supposed to look like," entrepreneur Monica Millington wrote in an Instagram post. "I read the book 'Bringing Up Bébé' and while it was amazing (and I think any expecting parent should read it) it was funny because without knowing the concept of French parenting, Tom and I had already discussed that this was the way we wanted to bring up our child."

Millington, her husband Tom and their infant son Cruz live in Singapore, where Tom works and their local group of friends are a blend of different cultures and nationalities.

"Before understanding this way of parenting (or realizing that parenting could be whatever we wanted to make it) I honestly thought that my house was going to have to look like Fisher-Price threw up all over it, that I would have to spend my days at mommy playgroups making pleasantries with strangers, and spending my Saturdays at dirty play gyms," wrote Millington. "Don’t get me wrong, we have SOME of that sprinkled into the mix but we also realized that we could take Cruz to our favorite beach on the weekend where he could play in the sand and explore while we had our fancy lattes."

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A post shared by Monica Millington (@monicamillington)

She went on to explain how the couple doesn't hesitate to take their son to restaurants or ("we just go to a slightly earlier seating than usual") or include him in an adult dinner party ("Cruz might just stay up a little later that night").

"Everyone is different and gets to choose whatever style of parenting suits them best, but I’m sharing this because I would have loved to hear it when I was expecting and wondering what being a parent was going to be like," she wrote.

Commenters spouted off in the comments and compared her parenting theory to their own childhoods:

• "I was raised mostly like this. My parents took me on vacations to historical places, we cooked and baked, and I listened to music and watched movies and read books that weren’t 'for kids' and I am so so grateful ... I grew up with adults having interesting conversations and learning interesting things instead of watching 'Blue's Clues.' A charmed childhood for sure."
• "Beloved core memory: laying on chairs and restaurant booths, snuggled under a pile of jackets that smelled like perfume falling asleep to my mum and her friends laughing."
• "This is how I was raised. My parents took me everywhere and brought me coloring books and toys to keep me entertained. I was definitely bored sometimes but I also felt like they genuinely enjoyed having me around. It feels like a lot of parents do 'kid activities' but then resent having to do them and can’t wait to put their kids to bed and break out the wine."
• “I had parents like that. I feel like I missed out on a lot.”
• “My parents raised me like this and I have more sophisticated interests and hobbies. My only advice as an only child is to maybe get him a sibling!! This way of parenting can be kind of lonely if you don’t have someone to share it with.”
• "‘Kid activities’ exist for a reason. Sure this is beneficial, but so is catering to your tiny human.”
• “I was raised like this too (I am Dutch). It was really lonely and personally I felt a little betrayed that my parents felt like it wasn’t important to plan activities that I liked, too. I’m 28 now and don’t really talk to them anymore.”

Others frowned at European stereotypes:

• “WTF is European Parenting? Guaranteed us Finns don’t raise our kids the way Italians do, LOL.”
• "Nothing says, 'I know nothing about Europe' as much as unawareness that European countries and cultures differ significantly."
• "I can guarantee you those countries are not one monolith when it comes to parenting styles."
• "I’m European and every parent I know does kid activities with their kids because we are not weird."
• "Americans don’t treat children like part of their community. They’re more welcoming to dogs in public than children. So kids are siloed into the few places that don’t resent their existence or (are) kept at home. Then people wonder why they don’t know how to behave in public? You never gave them a chance to learn to be a part of a community. Yes, a three year old might scream. They’re learning (how) to be a human being. Give them a little grace."
• "The reasons Americans don’t do this is because childless people act out every time you take your child in public."

Parenting styles deviate from individuals, cultures, generations and countries — in Nordic nations, many babies nap outside for the fresh air; in Greece, Portugal and Italy, multigenerational households (and the family support that often comes with it) are popular and Europeans generally have more time off work than Americans to spend with their families.

Government policies are high stakes for families. Some European countries pay families stipends and spend more money on childcare; in the U.S., federal paid maternity and paternity leave policies don't exist.

This story first appeared on TODAY.com. More from TODAY:

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