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Tuesday Watch List: Professor Cable Guy Will See You Now

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Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and celebrate Keith Olbermann’s move to Current. Yes, Current! The network that barely lives up to its name! Watch as Keith makes melodramatic pleas to the President on a channel that usually features random YouTube footage of college protesters! LET’S GO!

ONLY IN AMERICA WITH LARRY THE CABLE GUY – 9:00PM (History Channel) All of my history teachers in school were boring. You know what would have made me more passionate about the past? If it had been presented to me by a fake redneck comedian! Yes, that’s right. From the History Channel, a channel that deemed “The Kennedys” to be off-brand, comes a history show starring Larry the freakin’ Cable Guy. In tonight’s premiere, Larry takes a look at the history of moonshining (of course he does) and frog jumping in California. Did you know communism was invented in California? Larry says so, and that’s good enough for me. Seriously, though. You need to watch this show, if only to become wildly outraged. ANTICIPATION: LARRY!

GLEE – 8:00PM (FOX) And at the other end of the culture war spectrum, we have Ryan Murphy’s musical comedy riding the post-Super Bowl ratings spike. Tonight, you’ll be treated to loving renditions of Michael Jackson’s “Pretty Young Thing” and “Fat Bottomed Girls” by Queen. Many Glee fans have criticized the show of late for being just a series of disjointed set pieces and lacking in narrative flow. I had failed to notice this, because Murphy is so shrewd at distracting me with jazz hands. ANTICIPATION: JAZZY!

TRAFFIC LIGHT – 9:30PM (FOX) Fox tries again to make waves with a live action sitcom. This one focuses on three friends who are in varying stages in the relationships with women, each of which is represented by a color on a traffic light. That’s right, people. Fox now knows how to use metaphors. Tread cautiously. ANTICIPATION: MILD!

BIZARRE FOODS – 9:00PM (Travel Channel) Andrew Zimmern travels to Madagascar to eat beetles. He also witnesses a ritual circumcision. I really, really, really do not want to know what he does with the leftovers. ANTICIPATION: COVER YOUR EYES!

LOVE/LUST – 10:00PM (Sundance Channel) Learn all about the creation of Coco Chanel’s little black dress in this new series that traces the history of iconic fashion items. You know what would have made this show better? You guessed it: If Larry the Cable Guy had hosted it. Let Larry tell you the story of the legendary flannel shirt with the sleeves cut off. ANTICIPATION: FETCH!

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