Tribute: Remembering the 2008-09 champ Pittsburgh Penguins

(Ed. Note: In the end, there can only be one team left holding the Chalice. This year, that team was the Pittsburgh Penguins. The Philadelphia Flyers fans at Flyers Goal Scored By! have been ready to pen their Penguins Eulogy for weeks; alas, that day never arrived. So here is, ahem, a "tribute" to the Penguins and their championship season. Written, naturally, by fans that hate them.)

By Fran from Flyers Goal Scored By!

Monday morning. What better way to forget about the Pittsburgh Penguins' Stanley Cup win then by slowly killing myself with Xcel for the next 10 hours?

The boasting text messages have stopped.

My phone is dead, thanks to the dozens of calls traced all from the 'burgh, and my salty tears have all but dried up.

Now, all that I'm left with is a party-loving goalie and the knowledge that I have lived through three Pittsburgh Stanley Cup wins to my beloved Flyers' zero.

Yes, the Penguins took down the mighty Champs; and first off, I want to congratulate the team for overcoming what seemed to be a lost season in March.

Fred Shero's Dream Team consisted of 'talent' like Satan, Sykora, Scuderi, Eaton, Cooke, Boucher, Gill, Dupuis ... and that team looked like it was done after the all-star break. But then Siddy Crosby saw Boris Valabik hunched over, and with one fell swoop to the junk announced to the world that "no team is taking US down!" We all shoulda known, after that bean-baggin', that the Pens would win it all.

I mean, who is going to stop a team when their Captain is willing to do that? Not the Detroit Red Wings ... that's for sure.

The Pens took down the Wings, without even having to unleash the furious fists of Maxime Talbot. Death, taxes, and a fight against Maxime Talbot ends your post season -- the three certainties of life. He only needed to pot two greasy ones and let the Flower do the rest. They got timely goals from Staal, Gonchar, and surprisingly Tyler Kennedy.

We here at Flyers Goal Scored By! hope that Mr. Kennedy can recover from such an advanced stage of Swine Flu. We'd say he just flipped from 51/49 human-to-pig ratio to 49/51. I swear I heard him oinking a bit as he took the Cup around the rink.

Anytime Maxime 'Don't let my fists touch your face' Talbot and the star of Charlotte's Web carry some offensive load, you're going to have good results.

Malkin and Crosby do what they do, and they get to hoist the hardware. Balki and Cousin Larry should be ready to try to repeat next year, and for many years to come.

Aside from goal scoring, it was great defensive play that got the Pens their Cup. Blocked shots, penalty kills and some dude named 'The Flower' keeping a dynasty at bay. They did what they needed to, when they needed to do to keep the Wings off the board. It was certainly frustrating to watch the Pens keep all offensive threats at bay for the majority of the playoffs.

I'm too lazy to look for how many blocked shots they had in the 2009 playoffs, but I'm guessing it's around 100 million billion. They did it against Gagne & Carter, against OV and against whoever scores goals on the Canes ... let's say ... Samsonov.

As much as it pains me to say this: The Pens hit their stride at the perfect time, with about 10 to play in the regular season, and they used their excellent talent to bring home the Cup.

So cheers to the Pens and their semi-delusional former athlete owner who thinks he's still a player by growing a playoff beard. You earned it.

Until someone proves it, the Champs live in Pittsburgh. Now somebody get me three fingers of Glenlivet.

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