Tuesday Watch List: Losers! Losties! Limeys!

Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and pack your bags for that safari you’re taking in Congo. Safari hat? Check. Binoculars? Cortaid? Check. Gorilla repellent? Um… hey, where did you put the gorilla repellant, honey? LET’S GO!

AMERICAN IDOL – 8:00PM (FOX)

Miley Cyrus is your guest mentor for the 11 remaining finalists this evening. And who better to coach these young scamps than a beaver-cheeked 17-year-old who is clearly the product of a deathless corporate music and television collective? Never has “Idol” found such a spiritual match. But don’t think all the contestants will be forced to sing nothing but Cyrus songs. In fact, all of the contestants were originally slated to sing hits from various teen idols. But now, in an unexplained reversal, tonight’s theme will be Billboard #1 hits. So watch with glee as Miley tells Andrew Garcia precisely WHY he butchered that Phil Collins song. ANTICIPATION: YOUNGY!

THE BIGGEST LOSER – 8:00PM (NBC)

The contestants return home for a visit. And I think you know what that means. You slim down, then you go home. Then your mom welcomes you with her delicious bourbon pecan pie. Then you tell her you can’t eat it. Then she eats it right in front of you. Then you get mad because she’s not joining you in eating healthy. And then she’s all like, “Well, I know how to control myself.” And then you’re all like, “This is why I’m fat! You never gave me enough support, you pecan pie baking hussy!” Then she brings out the spiral ham! But she says you shouldn’t eat too much of it! MIXED SIGNALS! MIXED SIGNALS! Ah, so nice to go home. ANTICIPATION: TEMPTATION!

LOST – 9:00PM (ABC)

Tonight’s episode is called “Ab Aeterno,” which sounds like the name of a Boards of Canada album. What does the title mean? What difficult decisions must Richard make? Is Jack damned forever? Will Locke regain human form? What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow? IS ATLANTIS REAL? HOW MUCH WOOD COULD A WOODCHUCK CHUCK IF A WOODCHUCK COULD CHUCK WOOD? So many questions. ANTICIPATION: CONVOLUTED!

SURVIVORS – 9:00PM (BBC America)

Season premiere. A group of Brits face life after a vicious flu has wiped out most of the planet. No lines at the market? SCORE. ANTICIPATION: EERIE!

MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER – 10:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal network)

A serial cheater is looking for the perfect woman… to cheat on. ANTICIPATION: SLEAZY!

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