Five Ideas For Sarah Palin's New TLC Show

TLC won the rights to the new upcoming reality show, “Sarah Palin’s Alaska,” but if there's one thing the former governor proved in her ill-fated vice presidential bid, it is that as popular as she is, she needs proper handling.

The people at TLC aren’t stupid. They know that Palin is the whole reason anyone will bother to tune into this show. Palin is ratings gold. Liberals hate her guts. And conservative love that liberals hate her guts. As fascinating as Alaska is, is should only be the backdrop of the show. The main focus needs to be on all the things that make Palin such an eyeball magnet. Thus, I suggest TLC do the following five things:

1. Use Ultra HD photography. TLC is owned by Discovery, which airs stuff like “Planet Earth” and “Life,” those awesome miniseries everyone watches that feature a hummingbird shot at 400x slomo. Palin should be shot this way. After all, even her critics have to admit she's pretty hot. And super HD cameras will help viewers answer the question in their heads of, “No, wait. Is she REALLY that hot?” And the answer is oh yes. Imagine Palin doing a hair flip and a wink in super slomo. 30 million viewers, guaranteed.

2. Do not use a script. Writing is evil! And liberal! Real Americans don’t write things! They speak from the heart! Giving Palin a script is just gonna bore us. Let that gal ad lib. Improvise. Maybe even read off of notes on her hand.

3. Show animals being killed!



4. Show the whole Palin clan! Reality shows about families are always the best. The Osbournes! The Gosselins! The Simmons/Tweeds! America loves you doubly when they get to know all your loved ones. So let’s hope we get to see all the other Palins. Todd (Grrr!). Bristol (Rawr!). Trig (Awwwww!). Crazy Uncle Jethro (Oh, Jethro! Another raccoon for supper?). Bring them all in. I want to be able to see my own family in Palin’s family. We have so much in common, except for the insane income disparity!

5. Show Alaskans who are just like Palin, only not as attractive! The more people they show people who hold Palin’s views about everything, the more I’ll become convinced that they represent the entirety of the American mindset. Ol’ Rick here doesn’t want the government interfering in our beef inspections. DO YOU?

Do those five things, and Palin will shine. Because no one in the world is better at attracting both a crowd and a fight.

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