Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you sit at home and perfect your transmogrification device. Soon, you will turn Susie down the block into a ferret. And there ain’t NUTHIN’ she can do about it. LET’S GO!
LOST (FINALE) – 9:00PM Sunday (ABC) Okay, so this is it. The final, two-and-a-half hour episode of that show you either can’t stop watching, or can’t stop hearing about from annoying people who can’t stop watching it. ALL of your questions will be answered Sunday night. Well, some of them. Perhaps. Maybe a handful. Maybe, like 6% of them. But that’s better than NO answers, isn’t it? You people should be grateful they reveal anything at all! They don’t have to. They could just end it with a smash to black and leave you feeling utterly violated. You know it’s happened before.
Anyway, hopefully you’ll get some closure on stuff. Can the Locke Ness Smoke Monster be stopped? Will Desmond unite the Sideways world with the real world? Will Jack and Kate do it? Will Ben be redeemed? Did Lazarus really come back from the dead? Will we ever all get along? WHO LEFT THIS CANDY WRAPPER ON THE ISLAND’S BEACH? IS THAT CANDY WRAPPER A CLUE? WILL WE ALL BE SUCKED INTO A GIANT BLACK HOLE FOR THE FINALE? So many questions. Prepare for Lost’s final verdict. ANTICIPATION: HIGH!
LOST (PILOT) – 9:00PM Saturday (ABC) Before the finale, there’s other stuff to set you up, like the rerun of the show’s 2004 pilot episode, which remains the most expensive (and to many, flat out best) TV pilot ever filmed. I’m thinking about doing an experiment this weekend. I have only watched 30 minutes of “Lost” in my life. All I know about the show is from what I read. If I watch just the pilot to prepare, will I enjoy the finale as much as a Lostie who agonized over the show for six years? Will I like it even more, since I have no nagging questions? Will I understand a lick of what’s going on? IS THERE GUM IN MY HAIR? It’s a bold experiment in TV watching laziness. I’m just the fella for the task. ANTICIPATION: PLANE CRASH!
LOST (REVIEW) – 7:00PM Sunday (ABC) You can also get a two-hour recap of the show prior to the finale, to get you caught up in the Lost universe. Again, this is cheating, and I’m totally down with it. There’s never been a show that spawned more recap episodes than this one. In fact, I’ve encountered so many “Lost” clip shows, I don’t even know if there was an actual show to begin with. Mysterious. ANTICIPATION: CLIPPY!
CELEBRITY APPRENTICE – 9:00PM Sunday (NBC) And if “Lost” isn’t your thing, tune into the finale of a show that requires NO research of any kind. Bret Michaels is in the finals against Holly Robinson Peete, but Michaels was just hospitalized for a third time this spring. Will he make it to the taping? Does it even matter, given his health? Not a bad fallback option for you non-Losties. ANTICIPATION: HAIRY!
ACM PRESENTS BROOKS AND DUNN, THE LAST RODEO – 8:00PM Sunday (CBS) And if “Lost” REALLY isn’t your thing, there’s this tribute to the country duo. No strokes or plot twists of any kind. ANTICIPATION: COUNTRY!