NFL Top And Bottom Teams: Week 9

By Drew Magary
|  Monday, Nov 8, 2010  |  Updated 4:30 PM PDT
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NFL Top And Bottom Teams: Week 9

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EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ - NOVEMBER 22: Michael Boley #52 of the the New York Giants celebrates after sacking quarterback Matt Ryan #2 of the Atlanta Falcons on November 22, 2009 at Giants Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Photo by Chris McGrath/Getty Images)

Power rankings. You hate them. They’re so arbitrary and pointless, especially when they include all 32 NFL teams. All you want to know after a good week of NFL action is who the bestest team in the NFL is right now, and which one is the absolute eye-scarring worst. The one so awful, you could put a flattering black cocktail dress on it and it STILL wouldn’t get any men talking to it.

That’s why there’s our weekly feature Top and Bottom of the NFL, where we go to great lengths to tell you who’s the top dog in football right now, this very minute. LET’S GO!

The Top: New York Giants

YEEAAARGGGGGHHHH! Oh, they mocked you, NFC. They said you were the junior conference. They said whatever team won you would just end up getting slaughtered in the Super Bowl. BUT THEY WERE WRONG! Say hello to the hottest team in football. The Giants are blowing everyone apart, and it appears that Eli Manning even decided to stop turning the ball over, which is cool. Even Brandon Jacobs did stuff yesterday in the team’s blowout win over Seattle, and Brandon Jacobs is useless. It’s going to be very interesting to see how this team closes out its season. Five of New York’s remaining eight games are division games. We really don’t know yet if they’re quite as good as their recent blowouts have suggested. And it’s hard to forget them being CRUSHED by Indy on Sunday Night. But for now? The Giants are #1.

There’s now a clear hierarchy in the NFC, which was so muddled just a few weeks ago. New York, Philly, New Orleans, Atlanta, and Green Bay are your top teams. With Oakland and Cleveland balling out, suddenly it’s the AFC that’s a complete mess. This is fun, isn’t it? This is solid fun.

The Bottom: Dallas Cowboys

Again, poor old Buffalo can’t win to save its life, but at least the Bills are trying. As for Dallas and Carolina? Sweet Lord, they are horrid.

I’m going to miss this Dallas 2010 season. It’s so spectacularly terrible. We may never again see such lofty accomplishments made in the field of underachievement. In fact, I CHALLENGE you to name a team did that did less with more. Alas, you are out of challenges, for you used them all up before the two-minute warning. Oh, Wade. You big galoot.

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