It's been a banner week for the balls and chains of Bay Area NFL players.
Just a few days after the news that Raiders quarterback Kyle Boller and former Miss California Carrie Prejean are expecting their first baby, Access Hollywood reports that former San Francisco 49ers tight end Eric Johnson is engaged to actress, singer, and frequent main squeeze to football players Jessica Simpson.
Eric Johnson was the 49ers' starting tight end for the 2001, 2002, 2004, and 2006 seasons. He spent the 2003 and 2005 seasons on injured reserve, and was made expendable when the 49ers drafted Vernon Davis. Johnson has been out of pro football since 2008.
In his playing days, Johnson was listed at 252 pounds. So if Jessica loses just a tiny bit of weight, she'd able to fit into his clothes!
The news of Ms. Simpson's engagement to Johnson comes less than a week after her box-of-rocks ex-husband Nick Lackey announced his own engagement. Draw your own conclusions there, people.
No word yet on who will be catering the wedding, or which entertainer will be lip-synching and then running offstage in shame at the reception.
Joe Kukura is a freelance writer who is only pretending that he knows what Jessica Simpson ever became famous for in the first place.