Report: Favre To “Retire”

By Drew Magary
|  Tuesday, Aug 3, 2010  |  Updated 9:50 AM PDT
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Report: Favre To “Retire”

AP

Minnesota Vikings' Brett Favre (4) celebrates with Chester Taylor (29) after Favre threw a touchdown pass during the first half of an NFL football game against the Green Bay Packers on Monday, Oct. 5, 2009, in Minneapolis.

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The Vikings have called a press conference for later today. Early reports are already indicating that Brett Favre has decided to “retire”. I think we all know how important it is to use quotation marks around that word when it comes to this man and any sort of career transition. From Jay Glazer’s Twitter feed: 

Favre has told teammates he will NOT play this season, citing wear and tear on his body. Team is hoping he will change his mind.

And then there’s this tweet, from Judd Zulgad of the Star Tribune: 

Brett Favre began telling Vikings officials last night he will NOT return for a 20th season.

Now, it’s worth stressing that none of this means ANYTHING until October arrives and Favre still isn’t in uniform. Actually, let’s say November to be safe. Favre told the Vikings he was “retiring” right before training camp last season, only to later “change his mind.”

It’s his way of skipping training camp, which is so cute! Albert Haynesworth should take notes on this kind of stuff.

I don’t know why Favre bothers with this posturing anymore. Do you care? Are you even paying attention anymore? You probably aren’t. Everyone knows he’s very old and would rather spend his summer telling journalists how much he loves being left alone than attend training camp. HE HUNTS DEER! HE RIDES TRACTORS! HE’S PLAIN FOLK!

The Vikings don’t mind this at all, and have let Favre write his own rules for such matters. So it’s not like he needs to go through these tiresome paces every summer. Unless he’s a narcissistic, two-faced guy who relies on the glare of camera to feed his rotting black heart. Which I suppose is a possibility.

So expect Favre to be back in a Vikings uniform sometime by the third preseason game, just like last year. I doubt today’s reports will mean much of anything in the long run, unless Favre was really selfish enough to drag his feet all offseason long, let the Vikings pass on any number of young passers in the draft, only to then leave them hanging right before the season with Tarvaris Jackson and Tarvaris Jackson’s Lockdown Eyes as their only option at the most vital position on the field. He’s not THAT evil, is he?

Is he?

Oh, dear.

UPDATE: Per Pro Football Talk, Vikings coach Brad Childress says he's, "not aware of Favre telling anyone he's not playing." And that is just so like Brad Childress, my head hurts.

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