The Florida college student accused of randomly killing a couple and chewing on the dead man's face wrote in court documents about being bullied, dealing with anxiety and accepting his death.
The Palm Beach Post reports more than 100 pages of Austin Harrouff's writing were released by the State Attorney's Office along with hundreds of other documents inside the discovery file made public Wednesday.
The 19-year-old Harrouff had a trace amount of marijuana in his system when he allegedly beat and stabbed John Stevens, 59, and his 53-year-old wife, Michelle Mishcon, outside their Tequesta-area home Aug. 15, according to the report. Martin County Sheriff's deputies said they found Harrouff on top of Stevens biting his face.
When Harrouff was transported to St. Mary's Medical Center he reportedly told investigators he "ate something bad." When asked what, Harrouff replied, "humans."
He's charged with two counts of first-degree murder.
The files, which are titled "journal" by investigators, appear to include at least one school project.
"You say my big heart's gonna kill me one day, my head roller coasting with these drugs in my brain," Harrouff wrote in an undated court document released this week. "So why do it anyways? Why do it anyways?''
Dozens of videos posted on Youtube by Harrouff under the name AustiFrosti show sides of the Florida State University student, from a fitness advisor to an amateur rapper talking about drugs and sex.
"Do you know what it feels like to be so afraid to speak? Becoming a bully 'cause all the bullies bullied me," Harrouff wrote according to an undated document. "(Expletive) man, I just wanted to be accepted. The anxiety I feel inside feels like I internally bleed."
One Harrouff's attorneys, Nellie King, said her client has a mental illness, but did not say if he had been diagnosed with a specific disorder.
"Austin is struggling with severe mental illness and the judicial process will bear all of this out in due time," King said in a statement released Wednesday.
Harrouff's parents had also expressed worry for their son's mental health. On the day of the fatal attacks, Harrouff's mother called 911 to say her son had stormed off from dinner with his father.
"He's acting a little strange. It seems like he's a little delusional,'' Mina Harrouff said to a dispatcher. "Or he's acting like schizophrenia."