Meg Whitman For President Of California!

Republican dream candidate combines business smarts with female-ness

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    So what if she's a lousy public speaker? Showmanship isn't everything.

    Meg Whitman represents Republicans' latest idea of what will get them winning elections again: a nice blonde lady with no apparent "social agenda" who successfully ran a business for a while before entering politics. (Carly Fiorina fits this mold as well, minus the business success.) Whitman is, of course, the former president and CEO of eBay, and once served as the finance co-chair of fellow plutocrat Mitt Romney's presidential campaign.

    Remember Romney? He was the guy who was going to bring business savvy back to the White House and run the government just like a company -- by firing all the underperformers and sending the aged and infirm to Guantanamo.

    After the Taxachusetts health-care liberal Romney failed to win the nomination, Whitman moved on to John McCain's campaign and became a national co-chair. You'd never guess it by looking at her "Meg 2010" site, though, except for a little photo that shows her campaigning for another Republican lady, Sarah Palin. This is John McCain's thanks, after all he did for Meg Whitman! He even mentioned her as a possible Treasury Secretary, once, before his dreams of becoming president were shattered by ACORN.

    Whitman looks like a good bet for governor, because she'll be popular among Republicans, of course, and she might peel off some Silicon Valley Democrats. Except for one problem, which is that she quietly supported Proposition 8, the gay marriage ban that many Democrats voted against. Fortunately, Democrats are so easily distracted by government subsidies and the latest salacious reality show that they'll probably all forget about that gay marriage thing in a few years.

    In a weird announcement video, Whitman wears a sleeveless shirt (show some respect for the office, Meg!) and says she wants to hear people's stories. Ugh. Here is a hint, politicians: you do not want to hear people's stories these days. They are sad stories with unhappy endings, featuring mattresses in yards and food stamps. Anyway, we can all look forward to Whitman saving California, exactly like she saved eBay.

    Perennial sleeve-wearer Sara K. Smith writes for NBC and for the California policy journal Wonkette.