Punchlines ripped from the headlines

Colbert Boosts Romney's Tree Praise, Santorum's War Threats

"I would say that he's come from behind, but Santorum is morally opposed to coming from behind," Colbert joked of Santorum.

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    NEWSLETTERS

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    Stephen Colbert returned to the air Monday night to mock Rick Santorum and Mitt Romney.

    After a brief hiatus, Stephen Colbert returned to the air Monday with swipes at both current GOP frontrunners — based on some curious speeches they each recently made campaigning in Michigan.

    "It is no secret that Mitt Romney is having trouble connecting with the average American, even though they have so much in common — for instance, they both feel awkward around Mitt Romney," Colbert noted.

    Romney's solution? Trot out Donald Trump, and trumpet his love of American cars.

    Monday night, Colbert busted out his tried and true Donald Trump impression, complete with orange hue and "Celebrity Apprentice" plug, to emphasize that endorsement.

    He played some clips from a recent Romney campaign appearance in which he gushed about some things he loved about Michigan — including its cars and its trees' height.

    "You show that man one square foot of any car, and he can identify it, then strap a terrified dog to it," Colbert said. And of Michigan's tree height, beloved by Romney, he commented — "short enough to put a tree house in, yet tall enough to hang yourself when you lose your home state's primary."

    And lose Romney could, given Santorum's ascent in the polls.

    "I would say that he's come from behind, but Santorum is morally opposed to coming from behind," Colbert joked of the strictly conservative former senator.

    Colbert also invoked comments Santorum made recently in which he said Satan was set to attack the United States.

    "If Rick Santorum is the Commander-in-Chief, he will do what no other president has had the courage to do: Declare war on Hell. It's simple: All we have to do is take our nuclear missiles out of their silos and put them back in upside-down."

    Check out Colbert's return below.