Brothers: Who's a Better Lover, Tobey Maguire or Jake Gyllenhaal?

By Zach Oat
|  Tuesday, Dec 1, 2009  |  Updated 1:45 PM PDT
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We paired up logical competitors from Tobey's and Jake's resumes and called out their pros and cons for a romantic, cinematic battle for the ages.

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In the movie Brothers, Natalie Portman is faced with a tough choice -- Jake Gyllenhaal or Tobey Maguire? Maguire plays her husband, a soldier who is believed killed in the war in the Middle East, and Gyllenhaal plays Maguire's brother, who comforts his sibling's wife and daughters. Gyllenhaal and Portman fall in love -- naturally, because, look at them -- but when Maguire is discovered alive, he returns home and finds that his family has moved on without him. Portman has kids with Maguire, and Maguire may have a little bit of post-traumatic something-something going on, which makes the decision a lot more complicated than a simple one-or-the-other choice, but seeing the two in romantic competition with each other got us thinking: Who would we choose, given the choice between all of the characters each actor has played? We paired up logical competitors from Tobey's and Jake's resumes and called out their pros and cons for a romantic, cinematic battle for the ages.

Peter Parker (Spider-Man) vs. Sam Hall (The Day After Tomorrow)
Peter:
Spins a web any size; constantly late to the theater.
Sam: Outraces cold weather; lives in frozen library.
Winner: Peter! (Though if Gyllenhaal had taken over for Maguire in this role, like it was speculated, it would have been a tie, or much more complicated.)

David (Pleasantville) vs. Donnie Darko (Donnie Darko)
David:
Can travel into old television shows, interested in art: watches a lot of television shows.
Darko: Can travel through time and space, interested in philosophy; may be a sociopath.
Winner: David!

Homer Wells (The Cider House Rules) vs. Jimmy Livingston (Bubble Boy)
Homer:
Is trained to perform abortions if necessary; lives in an orphanage.
Jimmy: Will pursue his true love to the ends of the earth; lives in a plastic bubble.
Winner: Jimmy!

Red Pollard (Seabiscuit) vs. Jack Twist (Brokeback Mountain)
Red:
Successfully jockey; prone to injury, partially blind in one eye.
Jack: Successful rodeo rider; prone to infidelity, bi-curious.
Winner: Red!

James Leer (Wonder Boys) vs. Robert Graysmith (Zodiac)
James:
Talented writer; compulsive liar, killer of dogs.
Robert: Talented cartoonist; compulsive investigator of serial killers.
Winner: Robert!

Who would you choose, Tobey or Jake? Assume complete and utter sanity in both, and rock the vote below.

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