Punchlines ripped from the headlines

Stewart Talks Sequester and “Bucket Lists”

By Dmitry Kiper
|  Tuesday, Feb 26, 2013  |  Updated 3:51 AM PDT
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Stewart Talks Sequester and “Bucket Lists”

Daily Show

“We’re doomed!” Stewart shouted.

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It’s the end of the world as we know it.

The set of soon approaching budget cuts, known as the sequester, is approaching the March 1 deadline. And Jon Stewart and “The Daily Show” team are covering it in a segment they call “Sequester 2013: Prelude to the Return of the Barter System.”

Why did we agree to the cuts? Well, when Democrats and Republicans agreed to the cuts more than a year ago, the idea was that the cuts were so serious and far-reaching that they would force both parties to reach a compromise.

Stewart played news clips that showed there will be cuts to national parks, the Pentagon, air traffic controllers, senior programs, health programs, the FBI, and the list goes on and on.

“We’re doomed!” Stewart shouted, wearing a yellow headpiece of a hazmat suit. He went on: “Students without financial aid are gonna have to get jobs feeding sick children to old people!”

For more timely insight, with the sequester only four days away, Stewart talked to Samantha Bee, who assured him that there’s “no need to panic.”

“It’s not like we’re four days away,” Bee said nervously, “from what we know as the American way of life being destroyed.”

But it turns out we are, and Bee informed Stewart that everyone in D.C. is “bucket listing.” Even the president: golf with Tiger Woods, hanging out with the Miami Heat, even an “afternoon with the ladies of ‘Modern Family.’”

Oh, and the First Lady is “bucket listing,” too: the new haircut, dancing with Jimmy Fallon, giving the Oscar for Best Picture. “Personally,” said Bee, “I would have gone with winning an Oscar, but it’s not my list.”

To watch the shenanigans, check out the clip below, courtesy of Comedy Central:
 

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