Patrick Swayze: I Sank Into a Life of "Bitterness, Despair"

Late 57-year-old actor said his life took a downward turn after diagnosis

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    Patrick Swayze wrote touching words to his wife in a memoir due out Sept. 29.

    The late Patrick Swayze, who died after a hard-fought battle with cancer two weeks ago, said his life began a downward spiral after his doctor handed a "death sentence."

    "When my doctors at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles said the words 'pancreatic cancer,' a single thought popped into my dead: I'm a dead man," he said.

    In his audiobook "Time of My Life" set for release Tuesday, the 57-year-old actor who died two weeks ago after battling pancreatic cancer said he felt "anger, bitterness and despair" after he was diagnosed with the terminal disease.

    He penned the memoirs in June 2009 at his home in New Mexico, according to People magazine.

    "Now, a lot of things go through your head when you get a death sentence handed to you, started with: 'Why me?'" It's hard not to sink into bitterness ... For me, that initial shock quickly turned into self-criticism and blame."

    He decided he wanted to fight the disease rather than wallow in it, he said.

    "I was not ready to go, and I'd be damned if this disease was going to take me before I was good and ready," he said. "So I said to my doctor, 'Show me where the enemy is, and I'll fight him."