Here Comes The Glam: Lambert To Mentor American Idols

Fresh off of butchering the Beatles catalog and getting beaten in the ratings by dancing astronauts, your prospective American Idols are in dire need of a boost. And who better to provide that boost than human peacock Adam Lambert?

Yes, the guy who unofficially won the last season of “Idol” is coming back to show the Andrew Garcias of the world how to, you know, do stuff on stage, instead of just standing there like a totem pole.

Entertainment Weekly has the scoop:

Adam Lambert will serve as guest mentor on the April 13 episode of American Idol, a spokesperson for 19 Entertainment confirms exclusively to EW…

There’s no official word yet on what theme the contestants will tackle during Lambert’s visit.

A lot of people might say Lambert is too new on the scene to mentor this sorry lot, but I disagree. Lambert deftly used the “Idol” platform to both gain notice and create a fully formed stage persona. He may not be a legend, but he knows the show, and I have a feeling he’ll have some strong advice for those kids out there, such as:
 

  • “If you’re going to wear a spiky jock strap, make sure to NOT grab your crotch during the performance. That would be bad. You must maintain spiked jock awareness.”
     
  • “Hookers use rouge. Ladies pinch.”
     
  • “To gauge how much eye makeup you need to apply, get to the point where you think you’ve put on too much, and then triple that amount.”
     
  • “Always put a clear top coat on your nail polish. Prevents chipping.”
     
  • “If you’re gonna sing ‘Lovin’ You,’ make sure you hit that high note clear. Looovin’ you, is easy because you’re beautiful. Doop doop dee doo! AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”


Lambert may only serve to remind you that this group of Idols isn’t anywhere near the quality of last season’s, but I assure he’ll wear something to distract you from that fact. IS THAT FAUX PEARL CHAINMAIL?

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