Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and… wait, why are you staying at home? Why aren’t you out voting? Do you not realize the awesome power granted to you by our fine democracy? Are you just going to sit there on your behind after millions upon millions of people in history fought and died just to advance civilization to the point where any common man now can finally have a say in his nation’s fate? You are? Well, okay. LET’S GO!
VOTE 2010 – 9:30PM (ABC) The first of your election night options this evening. ABC gets a half hour start on both CBS and NBC with their coverage beginning at 9:30. Presiding over the scintillating returns are Diane Sawyer and George Verylonggreekname. One day, someone will have the foresight to dress George up as Marty McFly on the set of This Week and see how long a Congressman can go before getting the reference. I bet it would take DECADES, if not longer. ANTICIPATION: VOTEY!
AMERICA’S ELECTION HEADQUARTERS: THE 2010 MIDTERMS – 10:00PM (CBS) If nothing else, CBS certainly wins the award for Longest Election Special Title, which has to go a long way with their constituency. For you older CBS viewers out there, I’m told that the network will be using really big fonts and state polygons, and they promise to mispronounce the names of at least 17 candidates, just the way you do. ANTICIPATION: ELECTIONY!
2010 ELECTION NIGHT – 10:00PM (NBC) Perpetual orange entity Brian Williams is your NBC host for Election Night coverage. However, if you find the three major networks too darn liberal for your liking, you can of course turn to the cable networks, particularly FoxX. And if you Tea Party folk STILL find the Fox coverage a touch too open-minded, then I strongly suggest you tune into my new pirate cable TV station, Uncle Drew’s Xtreme Americanist Minuteman Broadcast Signal. Joining me from my bunker will be my gun, plus the two weeks of canned rations I saved for the inevitable upcoming civil war. ANTICIPATION: GOVERNORISH!
THE DAILY SHOW/COLBERT REPORT – 11:00PM (Comedy Central) And if you care about this election but don’t want to be seen as caring TOO MUCH, then Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert will be just the tonic you need. ANTICIPATION: HIPSTER VOTE!
KATHY GRIFFIN: WHORES ON CRUTCHES – 10:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal Network) And if you don’t want anything to do with the election coverage this evening, why Bravo has just what you’re looking for: 60 minutes of Kathy Griffin making Bristol Palin and Liz Hasselbeck jokes. The smiles come surgically attached! ANTICIPATION: SHE’S HUGE IN THE VILLAGE!