Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and try to find your snow-bound abandoned car. LET’S GO!
PARKS AND RECREATION – 9:30PM (NBC) I missed the first two episodes of this season because my power went out last week and because I forgot to record the season premiere. And I am so much poorer for it. Tonight, Megan Mullally (try saying her last name. It sounds like you have food in your mouth) returns in her role as Ron Swanson’s sex-crazed ex-wife, a plotline from one of the best episodes of a masterful second season. Also joining the fun tonight is Will Forte, who is always remarkably funny anywhere but Saturday Night Live. Seriously, it’s weird. He’s great on “Conan.” He was fantastic on “Flight of the Conchords.” And I’m sure he’ll be funny on this show. So why wasn’t he funny on SNL? The curse of Seth Meyers! That’s why! ANTICIPATION: HIGH!
MILLION DOLLAR LISTING – 9:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal network) Season premiere! And there’s a bit of a change in store for this hour of real estate porn. Chad Rogers is OUT. He was the guy with the terrible Bieber haircut who made me want to punch the screen. In his place is Josh Altman, who I do not know but surely represents a vast improvement. Watch this show for five minutes and you’ll never want to live in Los Angeles. Ever. Ever ever ever. ANTICIPATION: WALK-IN CLOSETS!
GREY’S ANATOMY – 9:00PM (ABC) My guide says that Meredith feels left out tonight as Derek begin his Alzheimer’s clinical trial. Yeah, forget these poor old people who are slowly having their memories erased. What about ME, Derek? I can’t believe you’d be so selfish as to exclude me from your little party! ANTICIPATION: SELFISH!
MASTERS OF SURVIVAL – 8:00PM (Discovery) Learn all about the art of foraging. Did you know this is a thing now? It’s true. Hipster foodies have made foraging the next cool food trend. What, did you buy your food at a STORE? Pfft. Loser. You’re so unenlightened. Anyway, this show is about foraging when you HAVE to forage, which makes infinitely more sense. ANTICIPATION: WILD BERRIES!
JERSEY SHORE – 10:00PM (MTV)Snooki meets a cute guy who’s very smoosh-worthy, but he may be engaged. I see no reason why this would stop Snooki. You know she doesn’t know what words mean, right? ANTICIPATION: SNOOKERED!