The first thing that struck us about the new "Battleship" trailer was how unnecessary the title card "From Hasbro The Company That Brought You Transformers" is. Because this thing is one Shia LaBeouf in hip-waders away from being "TF4."
The sound effects, the super models-as-soldiers casting, even the look of the alien threat are so Michael Bay that Peter Berg may want to make sure his paycheck was made out to the right person.
Starring Liam Neeson (what's Gaelic for "No, thanks. I'll pass"? He needs to brush up on that), Alexander "See What Happens When You Just Miss Being Thor" Skarsgaard, the never-more-aptly named Taylor Kitsch, and, um....Rihanna? Sure, why not?
But, yeah...there you have it. "Battleship" the movie.
Our thoughts exactly, Brook. Our thoughts exactly.
The only possible saving grace is that, in the movie, the Secretary of Defense is played by Peter MacNicol - and we pray he plays it just like this:
"Battleship" opens everywhere next May.