Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and send your kid off to her first day of kindergarten. I did NOT promise myself I wouldn't cry. I promised myself I'd bawl like a infant. LET’S GO!
RIDICULOUSNESS – 10:00PM (MTV) There's an entire new block of programming on MTV tonight, starting at 10 with this show in which host Rob Drydek takes you around the Intertubes and shows you all of the silliest viral videos he can find, including people falling off of pogo sticks and stuff. I really liked this show the first time I saw it, WHEN IT WAS CALLED TOSH.0. I bet Rob is already used to that joke. ANTICIPATION: BUFFERING!
DEATH VALLEY – 10:30PM (MTV) Next up on MTV tonight is this mockumentary show about the LAPD's Undead Task Force, charged with helping the city control its vampire and zombie populations. It's not a bad concept, though I do prefer that all my mockumentaries include at least 17 minutes of Ron Swanson. ANTICIPATION: DEAD PEOPLE!
CUFF'D – 11:00PM (MTV) Your final new MTV show tonight is this documentary series taking a look at teens getting arrested (and in one case, pepper sprayed), and awaiting their time in jail. I'd really like to know what MTV has against the "e" in all past tense suffixes. Regardless, I for one would very much like to see a half an hour of ungrateful teenagers getting tased and beaten with nightsticks. It's really a dream come true for me, and for most adult Americans. ANTICIPATION: TASTE THE JUSTICE!
CRAVE – 8:30PM (Food Network) It's a brand new food porn show, featuring food writer Troy Johnson searching the nation for the most crave-worthy foods. Tonight he goes around looking for the best slice of pizza in the country, because NO SHOW has ever done that before five hundred times. ANTICIPATION: PIZZA!
CARFELLAS – 10:00PM (Discovery) Ring the bell, because we're five-for-five with new shows tonight. This last one is a Discovery Channel show featuring a reformed convict turned used car dealer. Funny. They usually become convicts AFTER being used car dealers. This one's the other way around! ANTICIPATION: SLEAZY!