MIAMI BEACH, FL - APRIL 08: Michael "the Situation" Sorrentino, Vinny Guadagnino, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro and Paul "DJ Pauly D" Del Vecchio are seen on April 8, 2010 in Miami Beach, Florida. (Photo by Troy Rizzo/Getty Images)
If you’re one of the millions of people who enjoyed watching “Jersey Shore” and feeling superior to its cast in the process, well your self-esteem is about to get another turboboost. The original casting agent for “Jersey Shore” has set up a cattle call for people willing to be in a Southern redneck version of the MTV smash. Oh yes, people. This is happening. Via our good friend Matt Ufford of Warming Glow comes this blatant callout for Southern yahoos.
Kegs, muddin’, and cookouts can only mean one thing… it’s summertime ya’ll!
If you like your chicken fried, drive a pickup and you’re full of American pride, we are looking for you!
Now casting the hottest and proudest Southerners who are at least 21 years old who can prove that the party down South will rise again… Screw sippin’ champagne, Let’s make it a six-pack summer!
In other words, are you a shameless ignorant drunk who’s willing to be a shameless ignorant drunk on camera? Oh good, because you’re about to become a STAR! You’ll go on talk shows! You’ll appear in magazines! You’ll get punched in bars! It’s gonna be a wild time, y’all!
I actually enjoyed “Jersey Shore” because it took the trashiest parts of “The Real World” and did away with all the supposedly noble sociological aspect that no one ever cared about. There’s no reason the “Jersey Shore” template can’t be applied to townies all around our fine nation. There are trashy folks EVERYWHERE, people. We’ve got a Southern “Jersey Shore” coming. But that’s merely the tip of the iceberg. Just wait till you see the version set in Maine! And the version set in Stockton, CA! And what about rural Arizona? THEY’RE OUT OF THEIR MINDS OUT THERE! There are even trashy folks in foreign countries. Take it from a guy whose wife has German relatives. There are German rednecks! No lie!
Anyway, if you’re curious about joining this televised version of a Toby Keith song, I strongly urge you to sign up. I’m more than ready to express my disgust for you.